I spent last week living with my Grandma at a retirement community, caring for her as she recovered from a heart attack. I always dreamed of retirement and the luxury of having nothing to do all day, but the reality was a forced routine that brought order to help pass the long days. In-between trips to the mailbox and the trash can, there were moments of absolute sweetness: Grandma teaching me how to make homemade cinnamon rolls, our Anne of Green Gables DVD marathon, holding hands during doctor appointments, trying out new hairstyles on her pin-curl perm, keeping company for a 3am bowl of cereal.
Here are some other lessons I learned from my week in retirement.
(1) Empty Cool-Whip buckets are perfect containers for bringing a meal to a friend.
(2) Meals don't have to be fancy with dessert and wine; a bowl of leftover meatball soup does the trick.
(3) Men don't become any less honery with age; one husband, dissatisfied with how long it was taking his wife to unfold her arthritic body from the car, gave her a honk from the bicycle horn attached to his walker. I could see his body trembling with laughter from across the road.
(4) Age doesn't diminish a wife's ability to bawl a husband out.
(5) Iced water causes diarrhea. (?)
(6) Bowel movements are an appropriate topic of conversation.
(7) Never underestimate the entertainment value in watching a building being constructed. It's like old people tv.
(8) Plastic milk crates make great seats for watching the construction. They can be moved along the sidewalk to keep pace with the crew and guarantee front row seats.
(9) There is no finer ending to the day than to sit on your front porch and chat up the neighbors.
(10) Especially if your neighbor brings a plate of homemade cookies.
Here are some other lessons I learned from my week in retirement.
(1) Empty Cool-Whip buckets are perfect containers for bringing a meal to a friend.
(2) Meals don't have to be fancy with dessert and wine; a bowl of leftover meatball soup does the trick.
(3) Men don't become any less honery with age; one husband, dissatisfied with how long it was taking his wife to unfold her arthritic body from the car, gave her a honk from the bicycle horn attached to his walker. I could see his body trembling with laughter from across the road.
(4) Age doesn't diminish a wife's ability to bawl a husband out.
(5) Iced water causes diarrhea. (?)
(6) Bowel movements are an appropriate topic of conversation.
(7) Never underestimate the entertainment value in watching a building being constructed. It's like old people tv.
(8) Plastic milk crates make great seats for watching the construction. They can be moved along the sidewalk to keep pace with the crew and guarantee front row seats.
(9) There is no finer ending to the day than to sit on your front porch and chat up the neighbors.
(10) Especially if your neighbor brings a plate of homemade cookies.
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