I, Janice Wagner, do hereby resolve that holidays will no longer be fueled by sticky candy necklaces, fruity lollipop rings and sugar-filled straws. Those days are behind us. Chocolate is now an over-18-only activity.
Heretofore, the fun of holidays will not be found in multiple trips to Kmart, baskets full of that grass stuff that always gets everywhere and is impossible to clean up, and food coloring (don't even get me started on the food coloring, not to mention the sprinkles!).
Instead, I will strive to take advantage of empty movie theaters and short lines at the In-N-Out Drive thru. As a family. And perhaps find a little enjoyment in watching the rookie parents with their blue-dyed hands attempt to lure their toddlers away from the chocolate bunny with a baked ham.
This is my solemn vow. Amen.
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