Tuesday, January 29, 2008

12 Days in January

These last 12 days in January, my lovely kids have brought to me:

Twelve loads of laundry!
Eleven sprints to the bathroom
Ten cartoon DVDs
Nine Popsicles
Eight "Lean over the buckets!"
Seven days of crying
Six bedding changes
Five more loads of laundry!
Four feverish foreheads
Three boxes of Kleenex
Two runny noses

and a mommy who is dreaming of Tahiti ...

Friday, January 18, 2008

It's about a sunrise

Our little friend Avery appeared in this music video for the Obama campaign. As she is not old enough to vote, she has not political leanings; she just loves to sing! She is the one with braids and a pink striped top.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Reflections on MLK

I asked Grayson to share with me what he knew about Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Martin Luther King, Jr. was really nice. He didn't want to fight or have wars or anything. He just wanted to be nice. But there were ghosts who didn't like him, and they didn't want him to have a parade. But he had a parade anyways, which was the right thing to do, just like when that lady, Rosa Parks, do you know her? She wouldn't give up her seat on the bus even though the bus driver asked her to and called the police. That was the right thing to do, too, because some people used to steal other people and them sell them! How can they be so stupid? Some of the people got away and used the Little Dipper to follow an underground railroad to a house where they would be safe. I REALLY want to go on that railroad sometime! And some kids had to go to school really far away from their house just because they were white. Isn't that stupid, too?

So the police took Martin Luther King, Jr. to jail for leading the band in his parade, but they let him out and now we can have parades whenever we want to. I don't want to tell you this, Mom, but there is a really sad ending. A man shot Martin Luther King, Jr. at his hotel, and the doctors couldn't fix him and all of his blood leaked out and he died."

So there you have it.

Goodbye, Germina

January 11th marked a sad day in Santa Barbara. Germina, the famous giraffe with the crooked neck, has died. Zookeepers reportedly euthanized their star attraction after she stopped eating for two days. At 21 years old, they suspect she was suffering from "old age." Moral of the story? Don't turn down that hot dog when visiting the zoo.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Keeping Up with the Jones'

It took us nearly 4-weeks to figure out trash day when we first moved into this house. By week three we were stalking for curbside trash cans like big game hunters in the African savannah. And still, our prey alluded us. "Where have all the trash cans gone? And isn't that a Paula Cole song from the 90's," we asked in our confusion? Eventually the trash pile began to lean against the house and prevent the gate from closing, so we used the last resort; calling the waste management company. "Friday morning," we heard, and immediately put Operation Trash Day into action.

Thursday after work, still no signs of neighborhood trash cans. "Maybe we leave them behind the gate, and the trash man gets it from there," we rationalized. "Or perhaps it all happens during the work day while we are away." But no, then our trash from previous weeks would've been retrieved. So feeling every bit the homeowner virgins that we were, we rolled those overflowing bins out for all to see. It felt as if every streetlight angled to highlight our trash; you could see curtains parting down the drive to stare and whisper. But still, the trash sat alone.

Finally, Friday morning at 5:45 a.m. we heard the tell tale crashing and crunching of the trash truck. We arose from our beds to check out the clatter, and what to our wondering eyes did appear? But a street side full of trash cans both far and near! They really do exist!

And then one-by-one, as the trash man emptied, the neighbors rushed out to put away. We had unknowingly entered some sort of neighborhood trash day competition; the neighbor whose cans are visible during waking hours is the looser. And we definitely took home the trophy that first week.

Rob's technique at the Double Bin Sprint has improved considerably over the past 3 1/2 years (Grayson and I are still in training), and we've moved up in the rankings. But every once in awhile our rebel spirit will surface and we'll leave those bins curbside clear through Saturday morning. Oh, what the Pleasantville neighbors must think!

The house down the street just posted a for sale sign. The motivation of new blood has all the neighbors carb-loading amid whispers of performance enhancing drugs. The apprehension of new competition and the anticipation of their confusion over this strange initiation puts Wistera Lane to shame.

Do you think it is too much to get "Trash Team Wagner" shirts made?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Lucie's First Day of Preschool

I just got the noon time report from Silva, Lucie's teacher, in her thick Armenian accent: "You will not believe it. It is like this girl is born in this house. She is a leader of the other kids and so excited to try everything. During music time she is shaking her butt and putting her arms up and down, and so happy and dancing! It is melting our hearts. She even did her hands in the air with the other kids for "Twinkle Little Star." I have never seen a child have so great a first day as this one."

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Dinner and a Show

What could be more fun than a pot roast and the Paolo Nutini CD that Rob got for Christmas?

Corporate Sell-Outs

Rob was watching "The Power of 10" tonight and was shocked by the following Q&A:

"What percentage of Americans would place a corporate advertisement on their car for $500 a month?" The answer? 20%.

$500 a month? 20%? People, hello! For $500 a month, I'd put advertisements on all four sides of Vanna White (aka our white Toyota minivan). It is a minivan, after all. How much worse can it get?

Rob said there were no boundaries to his own corporate greed. He'd even take $500 a month to drive a Subaru Forester (voted the gayest vehicle of 2007) sporting a Vagisil ad.

So Wal-Mart, McDonalds, Stayfree -- we've got a couple of vacant spots. You know where to find us.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008


Shhh, don't tell! The mommies skipped bible study last night and camped out in the dark silence of the movie theater instead. It was GLORIOUS. We felt like high fiving our freedom and ingenuity, and laughed ourselves silly at "Juno." Grab a girlfriend and go; it's the must see film of the season. Good thing, since it is probably the only non-animated film I'll see this season. (Although I can heartily recommend "Hairspray" on DVD for tons of fun energy and risque jokes that will go right over your little pitcher's head. I can also steer you away from "Mistress of the Spices." Not even looking at Dylan McDermott for 84 minutes could save this stinker.)

I'm still laughing at the teaser for "Juno":

Monday, January 7, 2008

Post-Christmas Letdown

Forget the one-of-a-kind Powell skateboard, the two-way Motorolla radios, the spaceship, the Build-a-Bears, and the Converse sneakers. When Grayson was asked to share with the class "What I got for Christmas" today, what do you think he said? "I got a dog but he bit me and when I went to the movies my mom and dad took him back without even telling me and they are SO mean."

I have to agree. We suck.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Dog Gone It

In accordance with California's three strikes law:

STRIKE ONE: Escaping through the gate and needing to be chased around the block (3x).

STRIKE TWO: Peeing on the carpet (2x).

STRIKE THREE: A ferocious and unprovoked bite to Grayson's hand (fine now - only bruised).

He's out! So long, Scruffy.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Motherhood - Not for the faint of heart

My picture of hell: one soggy rainy day, two healthy energetic children, three solid days of DVDs, one dog that needs to pee but refuses to get wet, and me. Alone with the carnage and contracted to get 4 hours of work done. And just to frost the cake, Lucie can take off her pooy diaper now, which delights us all, but especially the dog, to no end. These days it is sort of a toss up for who has left the pile on the carpet. Lucie? Dog? The fact that it landed on top of a princess high heel is good indication the culprit was of the two-legged, shoe-loving, Oreo-eating variety, which makes it only slightly less disgusting to remove behind a 28-ply Kleenex.

Pray for sunshine.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy 2008!

When dressing to party like it's 1988, non-aerosol hairspray just doesn't do the trick. Swatch watches, mint green eyeshadow and metallic green taffeta will more than make up for the rookie mistake, though. The line of the night came from Tim Hoover, who, upon hearing the first strains of "Ice, Ice, Baby" yelled to his pregnant prom date, "Kelly! Bring the baby! Let's kick it!" One thing that never changes: 17 years after our last prom and my date still spent every slow dance trying to look down my dress. I am a dancing queen!