Clean Up, Aisle Five

I can only advertise this experience thanks to my friend's recent wine incident, in which her 5-year-old crashed the grocery cart into the wine display at Albertson's, sending six bottles to an early demise and the rest rolling to the four corners of the store. And all of this occurring in front of a business colleague, of course. I relate this to make my own shame a little less harmless, although I have to admit that my friend took the noble route and stuck around to help clean-up (she swears it was only because she had a cart full of groceries at the time).

Here's the setting: Lucie's birthday, balloon bouquet and bag of party supplies in hand, one hour until guests arrive for cupcakes. I forced both kids into "one more store" (Grayson's least favorite phrase, right along with "just one more thing") to grab pizza from a high-end grocery store next door with a delicious Wolfgang Puck's Express. My famous last words on the way in were "we don't need a cart; we're just grabbing a pizza and then we're out of here." Wolfgang Puck's helper takes forever to package up the pizza, or at least things seem to take longer with a squirmy birthday girl on one hip and an embarrassingly pink balloon bouquet in the other hand. He finally hands over the pizza and starts to work on the salad. Grayson has to hold the pizza box, which Lucie quickly determines is concealing food, and makes a lunge for. Grayson decides that the best tactic for keeping Lucie away from the pizza is to balance the box on his head ... and you see where this is going ... SPLOT. Upside down, box completely splayed open, sauce and cheese commingled on the polished concrete floors.

I closed my eyes and tried to find my happy place, but all I can hear is Grayson crying, "Am I going to get a spanking?!," Lucie's loud shrieks over the food now revealed, and my earlier push to do "just one more thing." This time, the lesson was mine to be learned. So there was only one thing I could do; tuck and roll. The pizza stayed, the Wagner's took our balloons and ran.

It's too bad, really. I liked that Wolfgang Pucks. But I've got a feeling it will be awhile before the Balloon Bandits are welcomed there again.

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